im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
