Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
