If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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