Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
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