you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
