This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
