i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
