Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
