dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
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He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
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THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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