There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
