My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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