just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
