I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize