I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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