Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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