How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
