I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
