Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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