Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
