We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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