u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
