In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
