So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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