apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
