Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
