I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She's like a pop up book from hell.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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