I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
