in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
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There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
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My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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