hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
