Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
