i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
All the doctor said was why
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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