vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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