You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
