it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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