i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
