Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
