I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
