Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize