Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
