i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
