sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
