Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
