I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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