the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
even my farts smell like vagina
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
