I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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