She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
