im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
