booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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