ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
