your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
