you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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