dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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