woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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