I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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