I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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