THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
