So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
