you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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