boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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