oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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