shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
