When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
