this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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