is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
